I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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