I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
