We won't sleep together?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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