I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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