belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
there's paper in my vomit.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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