please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize