Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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