I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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