i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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