wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
