But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
