Sry I called you an 8
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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