did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
