Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
