Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
