I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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