just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
