There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize