I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
