I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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