I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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