it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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