Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We have so much sex to catch up on
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize