So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
