She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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