if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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