The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
