Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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