i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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