I'm going to jail i love you
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
