my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
