Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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