Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
