i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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