hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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