im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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