you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
