No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize