i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
