I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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