I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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