I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
my liver is dry heaving
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
