didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
