I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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