She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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