Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My balls are so social today.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Randomize
