watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
