We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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