Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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