It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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