I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
