Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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