Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
