Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize