After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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