I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Sorry my hands just texted you
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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