dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
