the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
barbara walters just said penis...
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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