Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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