a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
