God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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