This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize