I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
