I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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