the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
