gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
