Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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