dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
