she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
