Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize