I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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