they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
