We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
