please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
