i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
