i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just high enough for therapy.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
