Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
