I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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