True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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