Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
