He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
