One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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