kristin has been a bad kristin
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
