Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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