so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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