Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
