My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
