is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
