So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
