"it" just moved
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
