well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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