OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
