Porn is love you can see.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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