I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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