sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
