i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Drake has all the answers
my liver is dry heaving
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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