You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
