I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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