is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
