she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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