i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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